Prank Caller Paranoia

Posted by Will Ooi | Posted in Other | Tags: , | Posted on 09-06-2011-05-2008

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As unfamiliar digits flash up on the tiny LED screen of my desktop handset at work on Thursday morning, I answer the phone formally with my job title and first name, expecting a call from yet another backpacker with a European accent asking how to participate in (or rather, recklessly donate their bodies to) clinical trials, for as uninformed and mistaken as they are, we’ve been getting a lot of those calls lately. With our stock standard generic reply ready in my mind, I am taken slightly aback by a different query altogether unrelated to our work from a young lady with a faint yet still-identifiable, shaky and nervous tone. She asks if ‘Lucy’, my mother’s name, is there, to which I reply “no”. I clarify her target by offering the full name, “Lucy Bee?”, to which she agrees.

This being the first time anyone has ever called my work number asking for my mother, I ask this mysterious lady why she is after my mother and what the call is in relation to, to which she meekly replies “Solar panels…but that’s okay, I’ll check with reception”, before hurriedly hanging up the phone abruptly, leaving me with grand suspicions. “Reception?” I think to myself. “Solar panels??” Likely story.

Paranoia via Facebook Private Message

Posted by Will Ooi | Posted in Other | Tags: , | Posted on 07-07-2009-05-2008

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A spiritual sequel to a previous blog: Paranoia in Bullet Point Form.

Disclaimer: Once again, all of this really happened and names, nationalities, suburbs and countries have been changed to protect the innocent.

So you have a really close cousin who lives in England. Now because your extended family is all split up and living in multiple countries around the world, consisting of a plethora of many unknown cousins in… Read More

Real Life Zombie Apocalypse Contingency Plans: The First 24 Hours

Posted by Will Ooi | Posted in Other | Tags: , | Posted on 18-06-2009-05-2008

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It is yet another miscellaneous, mundane, midweek work day. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer monitor, you find out via Google news that the Zombie Apocalypse has actually, finally, arrived. Initial panic sets in as the realisation hits that the world, as you know it, will never be the same again. You sit there stunned for a few moments, before thinking to yourself “Fuck Yeah.”

Scouring through your desk drawers for weapon options, you find scissors, thumbtacks, a stapler, and the cutting edge of the sticky-tape dispenser. These might be good as last-ditch weapons but they just won’t cut it otherwise, pun very much intended.

Scouting out the… Read More

Paranoia In Bullet Point Form

Posted by Will Ooi | Posted in Favourites, Other | Tags: , | Posted on 22-05-2009-05-2008

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Disclaimer: All of this really happened. Names, nationalities and suburbs have been changed to protect the innocent.

 

• So there’s a girl you like from Language Class. An Italian girl.

• You’ve met a couple of times, and even attended the same Language Class group dinner a few weeks ago. Since then there have been emails sent, promptly replied and responded to.

• You know she lives in Stanmore. It is pointed out to you by a friend that it is odd for a girl like her, a travelling student, to be living in Stanmore, as that’s more of a French area. You agree. You’re pretty sure she’s got a boyfriend. A French boyfriend.

• Indeed, he even picked her up from the dinner, you think. You didn’t get a very good look… Read More

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