Okay then. Here’s my two cents on this whole lack of R18+ classification in Australia and, since it’s the popular topic at the moment and will doubtless prove even more controversial once the game is officially released, the Modern Warfare 2 airport stage. Warning: long rant ahead.

The Australian Classification Board – Censorship and Banning

I, like most other Aussie gamers, was upset when the zombie-killing game Left 4 Dead 2 was banned. Indeed the ratings system here is backwards, yes it’s outdated, but the real key issue we have with it is that it is a hypocritical decision because the original game, containing practically everything the sequel has been banned for, came out without a hitch. After an unsuccessful appeal by Valve, the makers of the game, the title was modified and passed the ratings system with the highest MA15+ age gate, however if the Classification Board – or just South Australian Attorney General Michael Atkinson – is going to insist on there being no R18+ rating for videogames then so be it, the arguments against the lack of the classification (which cannot be granted without the agreement of all state and Commonwealth attorney generals) will continue, but the least one could ask for is that consistency is shown in the meantime.

It’s these double standards that have many gamers foaming at the mouth; Fallout 3 was initially banned because of the game’s drug references but not because of the violence and gore which included features such as the Bloody Mess perk which increased the violence and, should the player utilise the abilities granted to him/her, pick up decapitated heads and place them, say, on dinner plates. Rather ludicrously, once the drugs in the game were renamed to no longer reflect their real-life counterparts (i.e. Morphine changed to Med-X), even though their properties and effects within the game were still the same, it made it past the ratings system with no further problems.

My own personal dilemma is that I really enjoyed Fallout 3, and yet I absolutely acknowledge that if I had young children then I would never, ever, want them to play through it; blowing people’s heads off through VATS or having them explode their enemies into a red mist. So that’s where choice comes in: once over the age of 18, they would have every legal right to watch an R rated film because the rating system’s purpose of existence is to appropriately screen material from the underaged public. But for the Board to completely take away the choice of purchasing games in their full uncensored form is akin to a condescending pat on the head of all those gamers over 18 years of age, essentially claiming that we are incapable of telling the difference between fact and fiction, even though we are trusted to be able to with film.

Violence and drugs aside, it was the immersive experience of Fallout 3 that stood out along with the game world’s system of moral code and consequence which made it such a powerful medium of escapism from ‘the real world’. Arguably the violence within the game, while gory and excessive to the point of ridiculousness, may have been relevant to the post-apocalyptic, fictional world of the Capital Wasteland, much like how the Mad Max movies (an inspiration of the series) and many other film worlds have been depicted. It was portrayed in such a way in order to capture the lawlessness of a world stripped down to its base survival instincts, and presented via a biting satire of 1950s Americana in a fantasy setting tinged with black humour.

To some extent however, I do have to ask myself whether the experience could have been as memorable and as fun without the weapons and the violence and the excessive gore and drug use… who knows? But the main thing about Fallout 3 as a game was that there was a deeper role for the player, built around a gameplay system where terrible things could be done, including the murder of civilians, should the player choose to do so. Similarly with the Grand Theft Auto* series – to speak in film terms, essentially the videogame equivalent of an overblown mockumentary on modern American society – the ultimate decision as to how to approach the game was up to the player and direct consequences would occur as a result. Games have come a long way since the days of linear plots and distinct fixed boundaries as to what the player could and could not do, but the whole concept of choice – the lack of it through real-life censorship and banning as well as in-game options – is still a divisive topic. Yes, violence has been around long before videogames, but sadly the industry’s argument for “games as art” has not been done any favours by those titles that have deliberately sought the controversy.

* (Interestingly with GTA IV, the Classification Board had initially banned its sale before a modified version adhering to an MA15+ rating was accepted for release. The changes? You could still kill people by shooting them or running them down in a car but no pools of blood would appear afterwards beneath their corpses. You could still hire prostitutes and engage in sexual acts in vehicles but you could only see the car rock up and down with a fixed camera angle as opposed to a controllable one, which somehow makes it all okay. Furthermore, the downloadable episode The Lost and Damned featured the completely uncensored content above and still somehow made it past review – if the Board is going to enforce censorship of material, it could at least do so with common sense and, again, consistency.)

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The Snuff Film Equivalents of Gaming

Why does gaming carry with it such a stigma within Australia then? Perhaps because of its history of attracting controversy, rightly or wrongly, and with good intentions or entirely self-serving ones. Games such as Manhunt 2, a title fundamentally built on the premise of executing enemies in the most vile and revolting manner possible, was deservedly banned here and heavily censored elsewhere.

Inspired by snuff films and containing just about the same amount of substance, I managed to get my hands on the first Manhunt via a friend who bought a copy before the decision was made to retrospectively ban it several months after its release, and I have to say I was utterly disturbed by its violence. It was a glorification reaching a level of vile desensitisation, and with no reason or purpose in the game apart from achieving, again, the most graphic kill animations possible. The gameplay mechanics were solid from a functional point of view, but Manhunt was pointlessly sadistic in every other respect. The worst thing about it and particularly the likes of baseless games such as Soldier of Fortune, Postal, and going back as far as the controversy Mortal Kombat courted and thrived off, is that they give game critics the ammunition they need to pigeon-hole videogames as a medium to such an extent that knee-jerk reactions without proper context (or even playthroughs) are far too common, ala the ridiculous furore with Fox News’ infamous take on Mass Effect, completely ignoring the qualities of games that promote moral thought and decision making in the midst of strenuous situations, along with the impact on the player’s conscience. These snuff games do nothing but take morality out of the equation altogether, fully warranting their bans and sullying the image of videogames in the eyes of the government and the mass media.

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The Modern Warfare 2 Airport Level Controversy (Spoilers)

It had been strongly hinted at in the trailers, but until the footage leaked onto the internet (for the short period before it was removed) no one was at all prepared for the fact that the airport level of Modern Warfare 2 had players engage in the act of killing civilians from the terrorist’s point of view. It must be noted that the stage is entirely skippable and features constant warning messages of disturbing content, but in these cases it helps to take a step back to think about the ramifications and purpose of such an inclusion before making an uninformed decision and leaping for the panic button.

Curiously in terms of Australian banning, the game received an MA15+ rating from the Classification Board months ago and is still scheduled for its original worldwide November release date just over a week away - despite how, as stated in its report, “civilians are shot with blood burst bullet wounds; civilian corpses are strewn across the airport floor, often in stylised pools of blood; injured civilians crawl away with lengthy blood trails behind them,” but because “no post mortem damage can be inflicted on victims and, in other missions in the game, killing a civilian results in mission failure,” the violence in this context is okay. Which makes one wonder why killing zombies in Left 4 Dead 2, hardly realistic targets, is not.

In all honesty I appreciate Infinity Ward taking a huge gamble here with the level; so long as that, in whatever manner this airport stage does play out and in the full scheme of things, it does not trivialise terrorism and the fact that innocent lives have long been lost as a result of it. And judging by the aims of Modern Warfare 1 in showing the horrors and loss of war – and even just trusting in the developer to display basic human sensibilities of what constitutes good taste – I predict that it absolutely will not.

I fully expect it to turn out to be an utterly devastating and tragic moment in the game – it appeared as if the level was the finale to the first chapter where you play as an undercover CIA officer who has infiltrated the group but is powerless to the events of the massacre (which has unfortunately lost its shock value having been spoiled) – carrying with it a deep emotional resonance with the player. An impact never before seen in gaming albeit a talking point for years to come.

The quote from the president of the Australian Council on Children and the Media is:

“The consequences of terrorism are just abhorrent in our community and yet here we are with a product that’s meant to be passed off as a leisure time activity, actually promoting what most world leaders speak out publicly against” – which completely misses the point and provides a good insight into how games are seen in this country. It is obvious that the developer’s aim here is to ensure that people will not enjoy playing through the stage, contrary to the entire point of playing a game in the first place which, considering the Classification Board’s approval of its release, indicates an agreement in the purpose of this level.

Indeed, if we are shocked to the core as we ought to be, Modern Warfare 2 could prove to be a positive step towards the further exploration of videogames in testing the potentials of its own medium; using its uniquely identifying feature – being in control – to create a palpable sense of morality and enforcing the shocking and disturbing consequences of the player’s actions in a digital representation of the real world. In other words, a significant advancement from games being constantly referred to by others as a mere “leisure time activity,” and meant for those with easily-influenced minds without the ability to discern from what is right and wrong, as opposed to more “serious” art forms. Sadly, Atkinson continues to argue otherwise whilst at the same time enforcing inconsistency, saying that “Expecting game designers to be responsible by not glorifying terrorism will always lead to disappointment,” and yet still granting its unedited release as an MA15+ title.

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Close

The major problem in Australia, if it isn’t already plainly obvious, is that games are not taken seriously. The argument against the incongruent rating system is that it is somehow okay when other mediums such as films depict graphic violence and disturbing content matter when there is indeed an R18+ rating to advise the public of the content, but as soon as such material is in the hands gamers the rules immediately change. The conundrum? Games are dismissed as child’s play; mindless folly and embarrassing source of silly, meaningless “entertainment” incapable of achieving irony or bringing a proper discussion to the table. So when the odd title does come along, trying to add a conscience and tackle the bigger and more controversial issues – much like what any art form aims to do – out comes the stigma of videogames where the accusations of “glorification of violence” pour forth from the media, completely misunderstood and hastily judged before anyone has even had a chance to experience it for themselves.

Not everyone will get the point, of course. There will no doubt be videos posted on Youtube after Modern Warfare 2 comes out of players deliberately and happily killing civilians without the slightest regard to what Infinity Ward are trying, optimistically, to achieve. But just like the Paul Verhoeven films Robocop, Total Recall, and Starship Troopers and Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill, Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Inglourious Basterds, etc attempted to challenge one’s sensibilities – to move the viewer out of their comfort zones – the critical response manifested in conflicting forms: face value (senseless violence) versus subtext (parody and satire of violence), all dependent on how one interpreted what they saw. Videogames obviously differ from film in that films take their audience on a fixed rollercoaster ride whilst games tend to offer a plot-driven ride whilst also allowing player control in their progression, but because of a selective and inconsistent R18+ classification system we Australians are given access to the former but often denied the chance of interpretation for the latter.

In taking risks with its content, hopefully time will show that Infinity Ward made a brave choice in an attempt to create a new level of emotion and deeper understanding of real life cruelties via the videogame effect. But maybe the world, and especially Australia, just isn’t ready for the medium of gaming to do tongue-in-cheek or convey poignancy, irony, or a realistic videogame representation of the world because it is, apparently, too real for gamers to be able to tell the difference, regardless of their age.

Upon its release I am confident that Modern Warfare 2 will shock and disgust within a proper narrative and context, because it’s these feelings – a sense of guilt conflicting against and challenging the actions of the player in that scenario – that will really help gaming achieve the same emotional connection of other art forms, and hopefully the industry’s attempts at doing so are analysed appropriately by the public and the powers that be. Even if it is only by those who really get it… which doesn’t look like it will include the Australian Classifications Board nor Michael Atkinson anytime soon.

You remember Kevin Costner, right? He used to be a huge star with hits such as The Untouchables, The Bodyguard, JFK, Dances with Wolves, etc. but is probably best remembered for the commercial flop Waterworld which, “in the humble opinion of this writer, ruined the actor’s career and left him in millions of dollars worth of debt” (I’ve been instructed to enclose that last bit in brackets for legal reasons).

Well in the wake of Capcom copping a lawsuit from George Romero’s MKR group for copyright infringement with Dead Rising, the word on the street is that Kevin Costner’s “people” are preparing to launch a multi-million dollar case against Shigeru Miyamoto and Nintendo for the plagiarism of the actor’s titular role in the 1991 film Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

Doesn’t make sense? Not at first, but even though I was skeptical myself I’ve gotta admit the man has a point: while the original The Legend of Zelda was released in 1986 on the NES, it wasn’t until 1998 that a true, fully realised 3D Link appeared in the classic Ocarina of Time. 1991 & 1998: the same seven year period in-between the previous 2D SNES game A Link to the Past and the N64’s Ocarina of Time! (The Game Boy Zelda game released in 1993, Link’s Awakening, apparently does not count).

According to Costner’s spokeswoman:

“Nintendo not only knowingly copied our client’s appearance in his 1991 blockbuster without adequate compensation, they also refused to answer courteous calls from our client during that period to amicably settle the matter out of court. The best Shigeru Miyamoto could muster in the form of a response was to simply leave a message for his secretary to pass on: ‘I loved you in Field of Dreams‘. Completely unacceptable. It is therefore in the best interests of our client, and of the principles of legal justice in today’s increasingly profit-driven society, for us to launch this action“.

Phew. When I asked Costner’s spokeswoman about how much money ‘her client’ was after, I was simply told “a large amount.” Scary. I followed this up by asking whether this whole thing was merely a case of Costner clutching at straws in a petty attempt to escape the repo man, upon which I was abruptly carried away by three ‘bodyguards’ and escorted off the premises. I seem to recall that the Whitney Houston song “I will always love you” was playing in the background at the time. Either way, it looks as if the Dead Rising lawsuit has set a dangerous precedent for the video game industry and this could very well be just the beginning.

In saying all that though, the likeness of Costner and Link is a bit of a stretch and there’s no doubt that Nintendo will battle this lawsuit to the death, but to paraphrase Bryan Adams’ number 1 hit song from Prince of Thieves, “You can’t tell [Kevin], it’s not worth fighting for.”

I am, not for the first time in my life, currently going through a phase of perpetual Arnie hypnosis after that last blog on The Running Man and the hilarity of Youtube (click for Lesson 1 and Lesson 2 – “trust me”), so here is an entry on the other movie-games he was in! Isn’t it funny how, as a politician, he is now trying to get similar games banned when he himself used to be the master of the gory death/witty one liner…let off some steam Governor.

The Terminator

There are, incredibly, over 20 games based on The Terminator, T2 and T3 (not counting crappy mobile phone games but including the pinball machines for each instalment of the movie series). Over twenty! Not every one allowed you to play as Arnie, not that it made much difference: pretty much ALL of them were rubbish, and there was even a Terminator Chess Wars. Honestly.

The Terminator (DOS, NES, Game Gear, Master System, Mega Drive/Genesis)

Out of all the games based on the original Terminator, I owned the one on the Master System where you play as Kyle Reese however I was never able to even get past the first level because of there being way too many Terminators and the limited ability to defend oneself by lobbing useless grenades that arced completely off target. I later amended this by finishing it on an emulator and cheating vigorously with the use of save states, and I must say it wasn’t all that bad (unlimited shotgun ammo in the later stages – awesome!) Unfortunately I can’t say the same about the DOS one, judging by that screenshot above.

RoboCop versus The Terminator (SNES, Mega Drive/Genesis)

An ill-advised combo licensing deal (which was still admittedly really cool-sounding as a kid), this game only let you control Robocop where you went round ‘administering justice’ against, again, way too many assorted Terminators and human enemies who are shooting at you for no reason. Not much attention was paid to a coherent storyline, that’s for sure, nor the gameplay either it must be said.

T2: The Arcade Game (Amiga, DOS, Game Boy, Game Gear, Mega Drive/Genesis, Master System, SNES)

Everyone remembers this right? The FPS where Arnie provided his voice which was SO much better at the arcades with the two massive light guns than all the painful ports it mustered (especially the Game Boy one – why even bother?). I can still clearly recall the stage at the Cyberdyne building where digitised John and Sarah Connor occasionally ran around in front of you Virtua Cop-innocent-bystander-casualty-style as you were busy taking down SWAT team members. On the consoles though, you had to use the D-pad to move the cursor around and the graphics were of course nowhere near the original’s. These days seeing the arcade machine around is a rarity, and sadly the graphics have not aged well at all but it sure was great back then in 1991, even for 3 bucks a pop.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (Mega Drive/Genesis, SNES, NES, Game Gear, Master System)

The side scrolling T2 game must be one of the worst I have ever played. It was one of those titles where as soon as you pick up the controller you just knew it was a bad game: Arnie was only able to move one clunky block at a time, and even turning around took forever whilst all these redneck bikies at the Corral Bar pumped lead into you from both sides: meaning you died within a minute of your young self rushing home from the shop and expecting something great. Of course I never got past the first level, but unlike the T1 Master System game I just couldn’t be arsed to use emulator save states for another play-through. Forget that. Interestingly the back of the box screenshots for this game only ever had pictures from that first level: I’m guessing that not even the developers could get past it, never mind be bothered to bug-test the rest of the damned thing.

Then there were the other obscure Terminator games like The Terminator 2029, The Terminator 2029: Operation Scour, The Terminator: Rampage (a bad Doom clone), the aforementioned Terminator 2: Judgment Day – Chess Wars, The Terminator: Future Shock, SkyNET, and The Terminator: Dawn of Fate. Imaginative titles yes but “da hell wiv it” I’m not going to waste any more of your or my time attempting to describe those.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (PS2, Xbox, GBA) Terminator 3: The Redemption (PS2, Xbox, Gamecube) Terminator 3: War of the Machines (PC)

As a purist Terminator/Arnie/James Cameron fan, T3 was a massive disappointment for many reasons: no James Cameron, they wrote off Sarah Connor, there was a character named “Kate Brewster” played by Clare Danes, they even got the Terminator’s model number wrong (it’s T-800, not T-101! He was Cyberdyne Systems Model 101, a T-800, you can’t just combine the two!). Hence I never played the games, not that I was missing out on much. Despite coming out on the powerful PS2 and Xbox, T3 Rise of the Machines was a terrible flop, as was the PC title War of the Machines, an online FPS which no one ever played online (and apparently you couldn’t do so even if you tried). All of these titles were so bad that T3 Redemption even came out to right these wrongs by signing on Arnie for his likeness and voice, but failed again miserably anyway.

Predator

Predator (Acorn Electron, Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Commodore 64, ZX Spectrum…what funny names consoles had back then) Predator: Soon The Hunt Will Begin (MSX, Famicom, NES)

It is a real blight on the gaming industry two decades ago that a license like Predator was wasted in the manner that it was. Sure the technology back then wasn’t very impressive, but the film itself was and still is an action classic, and with a team of elite soldiers (a mention must go here to Jesse Ventura’s minigun) and possibly the coolest ever alien creature equipped with a shoulder laser, thermal vision and dreadlocks it is unbelievable that none of these ideas were used for the original game. Instead we just got two variations: a simple side-scroller dressed up accordingly almost as an afterthought and a platformer bearing a suspiciously-close resemblance to Double Dragon, right down to Dutch Schaefer’s blue jumpsuit. Oh how this game needs to be remade.

The left pic actually looks like a decent 8-bit representation of thermal vision. Shame then that these were the actual graphics. Jumping over floating eyeballs, I remember that from the movie oh yeah.

As Predator 2 had Danny Glover instead of Arnie, it was automatically not a very good movie and needless to say the game was as bad (or worse – at least Bill Paxton and Gary Busey were in the movie). And so so hard! Not that many people bought it anyway and just as well. There were other Predator games like Concrete Jungle and those Alien vs Predator ones of course, but as there was no Arnie I’m not including them. That and the fact that they were, not counting those decent AvP FPSs and the The arcade version, terrible (can you see a pattern emerging? Past those trees? I see you).

Total Recall

Total Recall (Commodore 64, ZX Spectrum, Amstrad CPC, Amiga, Atari ST, NES)

The Paul Verhoeven movie was a great ultra-violent film based on a Philip K Dick sci fi story (the same guy who inspired Minority Report, A Scanner Darkly and the classic Blade Runner) which examined the concept of identity and the unconscious mind within a futuristic setting. Just as well then the game had you controlling Douglas Quaid with two moves: a crappy punch and a ridiculous jump. Who needs weapons when you can attack midgets with a 2-inch fist and jump on their heads, upon which you die? And that’s all I will say about one of the worst games ever: the screenshots should tell you the rest.

Last Action Hero

Last Action Hero (NES, SNES, Mega Drive/Genesis) The film was a flop and possibly marked the beginning of the end for Arnie as an action icon. Despite it’s interesting idea, it was unfortunately about an hour too long and, once AGAIN, the game was terrible. I had the Game Boy version of it and apart from holding down punch for a 5 hit combo (which was easily interrupted when your enemies attacked you with much more effective moves) and jumping over holes and gaps (and falling to your death), I have since blocked the rest of this frustrating waste of time from my consciousness. Hardly the worst Arnie game, but nonetheless stay away.

True Lies

True Lies (Game Boy, Game Gear, Mega Drive/Genesis, SNES)

Finally, finally, a good Arnie movie game. The film itself was a smash hit which isn’t surprising as the Schwarzenegger/James Cameron combo is pretty much guaranteed to be great (plus the bonus of how hotness-incarnate herself, Tia Carrere, was in it), and the game was a fantastic tie-in if a little on the difficult side. Actually it was really hard, but once again emulators put paid to that. It featured cartoonish character designs with big heads that worked surprisingly well, a load of weapons to choose from, levels that corresponded to scenes in the movie, and with its violence being a bit too over the top this game is a real classic. I absolutely recommend getting the rom plus an emulator if you haven’t already tried it out. Do it c’mon! Download it it’s here c’mon do it do it nooowww!!

SNES Emulator

True Lies Rom

It’s the Arnie movie that had everything: over the top violence, hilarious one-liners, outrageous ‘boss’ characters, Jesse Ventura, a Latino chick, satire on society and television, Yaphet Kotto of Alien fame, a distinct future influence on video games, and Schwarzenegger in possibly his finest form. It’s The Running Man (cue dodgy 80s echo sound effects)!!!

Set in an Orwellian 2017 where free speech is illegal, the story begins with futuristic policeman Ben Richards (Arnie) being set up by the totalitarian government for the massacre of civilians and sent to jail (where he sports a cool-looking beard). He escapes of course, but not without someone having his head blown off first (thanks to futuristic head-exploding collars which, to be honest, really had nothing at all to do with the story apart from the gore factor), but is soon caught and forced to take part in the biggest game show around: The Running Man. Hosted by a bloke named Killian (played by a real TV show host at the time), convicts are sent into the game zone via a funky aerodynamic cart down a high-speed tube dressed in Matt Shirvington-style crotch-accentuating tights where they are relentlessly hunted by a ridiculous team of ’stalkers’ as society watches on in awe. None of this would mean anything though if there wasn’t an introductory choreographed group dance by lycra-clad ladies with permed hair. Gripped to the max and brainwashed, the show is a hit…but not for a group of rebels who are intent on a revolution and bringing an end to the propaganda.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Yaphet Kotto: about as 80’s a partnership as you can get

The Stalkers, how Arnie kills them, and the post-death one-liners

(I mean, what better time to crack a joke than when you’ve just vanquished your enemy?)

Subzero:

A huge Japanese Ice Hockey player with a razor sharp stick and explosive pucks. Strangled to death by barbed wire. “Here’s Subzero…now…plain zero!” (possibly the best movie line of all time)

Buzzsaw:

A Redneck bikie with a chainsaw. Enough said really. Sawn in half with his own weapon from the crotch up. “He had to split!”

Dynamo:

An opera singing electricity-shooting fat guy in a costume decorated with lights. Not killed by Arnie actually, but by a water sprinkler. Hence no witty line unfortunately.

Fireball:

Played by former NFL star Jim Brown, Fireball wields a flamethrower and flies around in a jetpack. Not over the top at all, no way. He is blown up with a dynamite stick when Arnie unplugs his gas cable. Bonus double pre and post-kill lines: “Need a light?” and “What a hothead!”

Captain Freedom:

Played by the big Austrian’s Predator and future political buddy Jesse Ventura, it is a slight disappointment that they don’t get to fight each other. Well not really: the final battle in a spiked cage is ‘digitized’ (you’ll understand when you watch it), and WHAT a crazily violent fake battle scene it is! Sadly, again, no Arnie kill and no line.

Impact and influence

In terms of 80s action, Schwarzenegger’s other hits Predator, Terminator, and Commando tend to steal the limelight: I must admit that even I had forgotten about this gem until a fellow movie freak friend of mine reminded me of it, and I’d go as far as saying The Running Man is right up there with Arnie’s best. Citizen Kane it is most definitely not, but hey masterpiece theatre wasn’t the reason why we loved him so much. This film is also, once you strip away the superficial layer of 80’s cheese and typical Arnie trademarks, a very clever take on the impact of reality game shows, which is not entirely surprising given the fact that it was based on a novel by Stephen King under the alias of ‘Richard Bachman’. Although it differed greatly from the book (I think it’d be safe to say that there was no “plain zero” line in there) the themes present make it well ahead of its time – despite how utterly 80’s the future was presented in the movie: the final scene where Richards kisses the girl and the unmistakable sound of synthesizer rock swelling in the background is pretty, surely deliberately, cringe-worthy.

The film’s influence on gaming should also not be discounted either, with the icy character of Subzero and the spiked battle zone being clear influences on Mortal Kombat. A game was released on the early Commodore 64-era consoles which were, suffice it to say, rubbish, and Smash TV on Genesis and the SNES were quite similar in plot and ideas (which led to that minigame in GTA Liberty City Stories). I want a game remake!! On that note I wouldn’t be surprised either if one of these days a film remake gets the go-ahead, although it will of course be nowhere near the insane value of the original and will probably star Ralph Fiennes in yet another role where he has a serious crying scene.

Overall, a truly spectacular example of what 80’s action was all about, filled with gruesomely graphic violence and a bit of Che Guevara thrown in for good measure. Plus given the reality TV overload seen today, the words of Damon Killian have never been truer: “This is television, that’s all it is. It has nothing to do with people, it’s to do with ratings! For fifty years, we’ve told them what to eat, what to drink, what to wear… Americans love television! They wean their kids on it. Listen. They love game shows, they love wrestling, they love sports and violence. So what do we do? We give ‘em what they want! We’re number one, Ben, that’s all that counts, believe me.” *

*Cue the final kill as Richards sends Killian down the speed tunnel to an explosive death which doesn’t make any sense at all. “Well that hit the spot!”