It is yet another miscellaneous, mundane, midweek work day. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer monitor, you find out via Google news that the Zombie Apocalypse has actually, finally, arrived. Initial panic sets in as the realisation hits that the world, as you know it, will never be the same again. You sit there stunned for a few moments, before thinking to yourself “Fuck Yeah.”

Scouring through your desk drawers for weapon options, you find scissors, thumbtacks, a stapler, and the cutting edge of the sticky-tape dispenser. These might be good as last-ditch weapons but they just won’t cut it otherwise, pun very much intended.

Scouting out the… Read More

Disclaimer: All of this really happened. Names, nationalities and suburbs have been changed to protect the innocent.

• So there’s a girl you like from Language Class. An Italian girl.

• You’ve met a couple of times, and even attended the same Language Class group dinner a few weeks ago. Since then there have been emails sent, promptly replied and responded to.

• You know she lives in Stanmore. It is pointed out to you by a friend that it is odd for a girl like her, a travelling student, to be living in Stanmore, as that’s more of a French area. You agree. You’re pretty sure she’s got a boyfriend. A French boyfriend.

• Indeed, he even picked her up from the dinner, you think. You didn’t get a very good look… Read More

They know her. “Hi, Nichole,” the blonde woman in a black suit says from behind her desk as my chaperone for the evening signs herself and me, as her guest, in. We move towards Ballroom 2 at this particular RSL Club with more nods of acknowledgement coming her way from these people in formal clothes and too much makeup. They know her. I’ve got a dodgy feeling about this.

I am ushered into a conference room full of men and women, all in suits of course, their eyes facing in the one common direction. A lone speaker standing out in front, microphone in hand; an old-ish woman with big shiny grey hair and a red suit jacket worn over a black inner top and black pants, reminding me instantly… Read More

* Logic may be skewed

Today, I deduced something INCREDIBLE: a life-changing, world-shattering REVELATION about the TRUTH linking my mate, Fergus, with Chuck Norris.

It has nothing to do with those Chuck Norris Facts from a few years ago.

This man is Yip Man. Yip Man trained Bruce Lee, man