I wake up early on a Sunday morning, lying on an all-enveloping yellow couch of grand comfort and am greeted by a family silhouette of bottles of Coopers Pale Ale positioned directly in front of a bright white window, wondering where I am. A surge of initial trepidation runs through me as I furiously try to make out my surroundings: rainbow-washed paintings of ancient Greek goddesses, black and white posters from the 80s of pilot-shade-wearing models with baggy pants and singlets, a Frank Zappa DVD and, the giveaway, the case of GTA San Andreas sitting on a PS2, its controllers dangling over the beer covered living room table. “Ah” I let out in a sigh of relief, the worry replaced with cheerfulness. “Steve’s… Read More

I wish to charge up my Nintendo DS. It isn’t asking much.

And I have only one space left on the port.

I wish to fit the power adaptor into that remaining space: the one untouched. 

But because of the shape of it, I cannot. There is conflict. Could you not be shaped vertically, I retort? 

~

But “NO” it shouts, “I wish to be here“

So I am forced to rearrange every other plug, just to accommodate this one. Inconsiderate prick. 

“This is… Read More

They say you should never judge a book by its cover; but what about those particularly obscure macho sporting DVDs usually found in the ‘Specialist’ section of a DVD store right next to the awkward softcore pornography section (rather ingenius target demographic product placement if I do say so myself) or deep down within the ‘Under $10′ Bargain Bins beneath never-ending piles of Steven Seagal’s latest works and other miscellaneous rubbish? Surely these DVDs are, unlike books, with their terrible covers perfectly summing up their equally terrible content, just begging to be judged? Well the moment I got my hands on a copy of this beauty at a friend’s house over the weekend

A spiritual sequel to a previous blog: Paranoia in Bullet Point Form.

Disclaimer: Once again, all of this really happened and names, nationalities, suburbs and countries have been changed to protect the innocent.

So you have a really close cousin who lives in England. Now because your extended family is all split up and living in multiple countries around the world, consisting of a plethora of many unknown cousins in… Read More