I never played the original Elevator Action which Taito released in 1983 but the closest I came was when I borrowed a Game Boy version off a friend many years later but the cartridge didn’t work and I was accused of ruining it. In 1995 though, the sequel Elevator Action II (aka E A Returns) came out and quickly became one of my favourite games of all time. It had brilliant animation, great gameplay which supported 2 player co-op, and a Schwarzenegger-type character amusingly named “Jad The Taff”, whatever that means.

Actually all 3 of the playable characters had weird names. Apart from the muscular and slow Jad/Arnie there was Kart Bradfield, a quick blonde guy with a headband who looked like a chick, and Edie Burret, a sexy brunette who appears to be having a bad hair day as well as possessing the best gun. Each character had their value, but my favourite was Jad. Coincidentally there was another pixellated version of Schwarzenegger in the equally excellent Alien vs Predator arcade game which had been released around the same time.

Dutch Schaefer in AvP had a cybernetic arm, Dillon in Predator had one blown off. Fair trade?

Real guns weren’t licensed for E A Returns but it was pretty obvious what they were based on: Jad had a Dessert Eagle, Kart a Glog 18, and Edie wielded a mighty-fine misspelled Berltta M92F. If you got real close to enemies, each character also had a point-blank neck slash move in addition to being able to throw a range of grenades. I never actually finished it at the arcades despite spending hundreds of dollars (I always died on the airport stage when this flying boss guy appeared), nor have I seen the game in any arcade for almost 10 years since. The game was eventually ported to the Sega Saturn but unfortunately it was never released outside of Japan which was a real shame.

Overall score: 9/10, Nostalgia score: 10/10

Edit: It seems like nobody knows this game. Basically you had to navigate across the platforms via elevators that you could control up and down (that could crush people) and enter various doors to diffuse bombs and pick up power-ups. Enemies included shifty-looking guys in trenchcoats, guard dogs, random zombies, and later on gun-toting maniacs with gas masks. It sounds silly but I assure you it was a lot of fun.

Is this the most over-the-top alpha-male macho scene in the history of film?